I think I am the most criticised President in the whole world, but I want
to tell this audience that before I leave, I will be the most praised
President,” said President Goodluck Jonathan at the opening of the 52nd
Annual General Meeting of the Nigerian Bar Association at the
International Conference Centre in Abuja.
Hey guys, I guess you know that pointing fingers is not my style, hahaha,
just as I know that it will be difficult to find a single Nigerian who hasn’t
pointed fingers at President Goodluck Jonathan since he became
President. But really, can so many fingers be pointed at a single
individual all at the same time? Some people have gone to the extent of
saying that since Jonathan took office, everything has gone to hell in a
handbasket.
Others have held him responsible for everything that has gone wrong in
the country, from the tear in their pants to the economy. Trust me:
Nigerians are beginning to agree that when it comes to assigning blame,
look to Jonathan first. There are some hardliners who don’t care if
Jonathan wasn’t President during the civil war. He must have been
thinking about it, and that’s good enough reason for them. They even say
that if he hadn’t been sticking his nose into government, the civil war
wouldn’t have happened. Funny, Nigerians have found the perfect target
for dealing with their bad days. Late to work? Blame Jonathan! Did the
soup in the fridge melt when you weren’t looking? It’s Goodluck
Jonathan. Can’t find your smelling socks? Jonathan! Your baby pees on
the chair, again? Jonathan. The possibilities are endless! Hey, are we not
just being unfair to Goodluck Jonathan? We blame him for all and
everything. Even for things that are not his fault. Let me ask you
something sir or madam, if Jonathan is to blame for everything wrong in
Nigeria today, what becomes of the previous presidents under whose
regimes most of these problems started?
On Tuesday evening on my way back from NTA, I stopped at the Bar
Beach to buy suya. I was a little bit early because I met the aboki lighting
his charcoal. As I waited, I saw two weird looking rastas looking like
archangels Michael and Gabriel in their white Cele garments walk down
to just about five yards from the water, raised their holy robes in unison
like atilogwu dancers trying to master a new dance routine and bent
down and began to defecate. Couples of minutes later, I heard them
walking back complaining of how dirty and smelly the beach had become
from what it used to be. As they passed by me, the taller one said “omo
naija, presido no dey try at all. See as this place don yamayama finish,
dem no dey see as those oyinbo beach be for inside film wey we dey
watch?” At that point, I couldn’t hold back my anger. I just had to say
something: “Shebi na una just shit finish for that place so? And una get
mouth dey blame the president. Una see him shit for there?”
We are having a distant relationship with the truth in this country. We
have developed that rare ability to be hypocritical and not so much as
give a damn whether we are equally guilty of the things we are blaming
on others. In truth, Goodluck Jonathan should roll up his sleeves, spit on
his palms and get to work on a lot of things. We keep saying that
corruption escalated under his regime but why do we keep failing to
associate it with the fact that these corrupt individuals are Nigerians? I
listened to some custom officers saying that If it wasn’t for Goodluck
Jonathan’s backward policies, everything at the Nigerian borders would
be perfect. Yes, let us keep dumping everything on Goodluck Jonathan.
Even our own responsibilities as citizens. He’s the reason our custom and
police officers are more interested in collecting bribes than fighting
crime and checking for contraband goods coming into the country. It is
also Jonathan’s fault that the security operatives at the Lagos airport
have all turned beggars. Should the president also take the rap for the
Director-General of the Standards Organisation of Nigeria not being able
to see that the nation is littered with fake products? Maybe Goodluck
Jonathan should be with him daily and point him towards fake products
and manufacturers. The fight to save this country does not begin or stop
at Janathan’s table. It must be an all Nigerian battle. Let the pastors stop
praying for corrupt politicians and tell them to their faces to stop stealing
public funds. If all drivers have their complete vehicle papers and obey
traffic laws, there will be no need to give out money to the police and we
will be on our way to a better society.
Ask yourself where your governor got the billions he spends on
frivolities? People in the rural areas of Akwa Ibom state are living in
thatched houses and we are building another stadium? Have you tried
asking what the Abia State Government did with the state’s allocation for
eight years? Do you think President Jonathan will be allowed a minute of
sleep if he failed to remit monies due to the states? So why then do we
pour all the blames on him? Your governor owns empty estates in Dubai
and factories in South Africa when people of their states are homeless
and jobless, is that Jonathan’s fault too? Where did we get the
preposterous notion that President Jonathan took office and people
started having trouble finding jobs? Did we have a zero unemployment
rate in the country before President Jonathan? Millions of Nigerians are
working their asses out and dying as contract staffs and casual workers,
where is the NLC? Is it not aware of the appalling working conditions
Nigerian workers are subjected to by multinationals? Of course, it is all
Jonathan’s fault. Last time I checked, Jonathan was a president or a
magician. Should he be doing the job of the NLC too, supervising every
sector of the country at the same time? Let us be truthful to ourselves,
since when have we had good roads in this country?
Were there roads in the country that Jonathan destroyed? Have we had
electricity in the country before President Jonathan? We say Boko Haram
started as a result of poverty and lack of education in the North, were
there schools in the North that Jonathan destroyed? Trust me, the
architects of Boko Haram know what they’re talking about when they say
it is all Jonathan’s fault.
For everyone out there, below are a list of things Goodluck Jonathan is
yet to be blamed for, so go ahead and make your pick and let the blame
game continue: Cancer, AIDS, racism, air pollution, sin, child p**n,
human meat at Jankara market, home video, obesity, Drake sleeping with
everyone’s chic, Kim Kardashian’s n**e picture, tribalism and every
other kind of ism, Arsenal’s trophyless seasons, Facebook, Twitter and
Wizkid’s last album.
